Posts Tagged ‘suicide’

All of You.

You create the social structure¬†with every passing jab about crazy people and every stereotypical comment on families, making a standard to live up to. It becomes a joke to You and You don’t leave space for differences. Mental illness is The Big Secret, the dirt swept under the rug and covered with a smile, because in society, its only exists as sarcastic comment to lighten the mood.

So, fuck You all.

In a backwards way, physical abuse is more accepted. More understood. Everybody has been spanked or hit at some point and You can relate to the pain. There are institutions designed to save these children. Foster care may not be perfect but it is a resource for these kids. You can find a way to help them. People only want to acknowledge what they have the power to change. It’s the same reason people ignore homeless people: they’re scared there is nothing they can really do or they think it’s a lost cause.

An entire subgroup of our society has been forgotten, left to fend for themselves. In a home with mental illness, there is no simple solution. It becomes a battle between the rights of the parent and the health of the child. Since the parent is ill, they have not consciously done anything wrong and still have full rights. I have yet to see a child given the option of leaving their home due to severe verbal abuse or occasional physical abuse. Unless a child shows up with bruises every day, nothing’s done because their parent is ‘sick.’

In reality, You would never know a child is being verbally abused by a mentally ill parent. Probably not even their closest friends would suspect a thing, because mental illness is something to be ashamed of. Even if You understand that it is a biological illness, You’d judge them just a little in the back of Your mind. Do you honestly think they don’t notice?

So in the end, the children are forced into silence and left uneducated, because nobody takes children seriously. These kids are expected to take care of their ill parents, clean up after them, and support them, all without understanding what is going on. Adults like to believe that kids can’t see things and that by not talking about something, they are protected.

But that’s a lie. If even one adult took the time to explain the illness in terms they could understand or took the time to explain that things aren’t the kid’s fault, they might not have suffered as much. Many children of mentally ill parents develop depression and other mental illnesses of their own. They blame themselves for their parents illness and carry the guilt into their adulthood. They may even continue the cycle with their own kids, like my mother did to us. They are essentially doomed from the beginning by You. This is the cause of the century and many don’t even know it exists.

One thing that gets me is the expectations set for these children. In a two parent household, the ‘other’ parent relies on the children to help control the emotions of the mentally ill parent. It becomes the responsibility of the child to keep the mentally ill parent happy, and their failure if they aren’t happy. That’s bullshit. A person with a mental illness will feel and act however they feel and act no matter what ANYONE does.

This video shows this well.

 

 

Growing up, nobody explained anything or helped me emotionally understand what was happening. Someone told me quickly that my mom had Bipolar Disorder and that she was sick and it wasn’t my fault, then that was never mentioned again. I may have been told once that it wasn’t my fault, but my father’s behavior perpetuated the idea that it was. Also, he never disagreed when my mother said the reason she was ‘this way’ was because of me. Everyone just assumed we could put up with the verbal abuse, take care of our parent’s emotions and suicide attempts, and take care of ourselves with only the understanding that it was because our parent was ill. Yet, nobody sat down and really explained that to us. Go figure.

In Britain, there are more sophisticated forms of assistance for mentally ill and their caretaker children and there are still movements to improve these and include the kids more in the process. I mean, they already have to live with it.

This is a speaker promoting increased education and assistance for these children, who are essentially raising their parents as well as themselves.

You are just as responsible. Save our children.